Right or Left?

Do you remember the feeling you had senior year of high school? No, not the top of the world, "seniors rule" stuff, not the "so tired of school, wondering if I can graduate if I skip this paper", and not the crush you had on that guy... You know-- the feeling of being all done with being a kid. You know, having the whole world in front of you, and not having any set "direction" on what you were supposed to be doing next? The shove of adolescence into adulthood. Having an infinite world of possibilities open to you. What next? Choose. Just decide. In a way, I suppose there was a little direction, I knew that I wanted to go to college and finish a degree, get married and have kids. And that's what I did. But now I'm back to square one. I can't DECIDE. What next? hmm... I've been seriously pondering lately about what I'm doing next. I'm torn between whether or not I want more kids. There are days when I seriously think I should just quit while I'm ahead, and move on. For goodness sake, my youngest will be 3 in August. The end of diaperland is in sight, literally. Having all three kiddos in school is 2 years around the corner. But then there are other days when I just feel like I'm not done. One or two more would be nice. My baby is not truly a "baby" anymore. Time for another one. That's how it worked before. I'm comfortable with that. I can handle one or two more. I just don't know. Am I prepared to never again feel the little kicks of pregnancy? Is my daughter destined to be the only girl, never get a sister? But if I am done, what next? What am I supposed to do once all my kids are in school? Can I use my degree for anything here? I pulled up my old resume the other day and decided to update it. And I looked it over and added some things and then I really took a look at it. It scared me. All my work experience is from years ago. My college degree has been sitting for years. And then I took a look at the job market in town. What would I qualify for, where could I work, etc. Frankly, I'm a little stumped. This little town has limited career paths. I've been trying to think a little forward, I always think like 5 years ahead. I have a vague plan in there somewhere. But right now I feel like I'm standing at the end of a road, trying to decide which way to go. And I feel like even then, I can hardly see other roads. I've vaguely considered that I would go back to work somewhere, be shuttling my kids back and forth from activities, pushing my hubby to go for his graduate degree, eventually add on to the house or upgrade to a new one. I still have goals, but now I'm looking into how I start making them work and bring them to life. I just need to decide and go forward. Which is honestly a little overwhelming sometimes. I'm been asking and asking for a little direction and I just keep coming back to a thought someone once expressed, that we need to make a concrete decision and THEN ask if it's right. We need to do the legwork and check that we're still doing good. So I suppose that I really need to just jump. One way or another, I need to just decide. Wish this extremely indecisive girl luck with that. She's gonna need it. :)